Don’t look at yourself in the mirror from a distance of less than 3 inches. You will be haunted by what you see.
Absentmindedly playing with your boobs will never stop being fun.
If you reach out to someone you got along well with when you were younger, they will probably respond positively and regale you with at least one tale about mini-you that makes you wonder why anyone ever voluntarily spoke to you when you were 13 years-old. (Were you the Good Snacks house? Were you able to burp the alphabet with an alacrity and angelic talent that made the gods themselves weep at such a majestic display of prowess and skill?)
Friendships should make you happy—not sad, insecure, or upset. If you get nervous, stressed, or anxious every time a particular “friend” contacts you, that’s a big warning sign from your body that you are not happy within the relationship. I used to think that having my feelings hurt was a normal part of friendship. (It isn’t.)
As long as your hobbies remain rewarding, don’t stop doing them. Even if it’s something you find embarrassing, like collecting (okay, playing with) Barbie Dream Houses. Life is too short to not enjoy yourself!
…And on the topic of Barbie Dream Houses, have you seen those things?! This one has a slide!
(Found here: https://www.bestbuy.com/site/barbie-dreamhouse-pink/6278285.p?skuId=6278285)
Back on the topic of friendship: if you love your friends, tell them. Tell them over and over. Tell them in-between you regaling them with that story about the time your sister’s dog farted herself awake and then glared at you as if you were the one with the gall to let unlease such a cloud of olfactory destruction out into the world, and that time you worried about your Diva Cup leaking in the middle of an important meeting.
Even if you feel silly, tell them. They’ll appreciate it. They’ll especially appreciate being forced to hear the Diva Cup story again, so make sure to fit that into the preamble.
If you found farts funny when you were 5, there’s at least a 60% chance you will still find them hilarious at 30 years old. Or, if you’re me, a 100% chance.
Finally, you will start making the strange grunts, groans, and little noises you grew up hearing your parents make on a daily basis. You’re one of them, now. Or will be. You’re stuck. You’ll turn into a moaning, wheezing, sniffing time capsule of your parents’ “Oops, I stood up too quickly” sounds.
The genetic betrayal runs deep.
…Go forth and age, my friends!