Greetings, humans!
I, a fellow human, have decided to keep track of my comings and goings on this blog.
I am not here as part of an assimilation project.
You have nothing to be afraid of.
I’m excited to begin!
To start off, here is my to-do list for this week:
Glib-Glob’s Very Normal Tasks
Steam human face mask to get out weird onion smell
Give up eating onions for one week
Cancel subscription to "How to Seamlessly Integrate into Human Society Without Anyone Suspecting" Magazine
Remind cousin Bloggol that he has to wear the dog camouflage suit anytime he wants to converse with me in public (if he complains, point out how much he enjoyed the pets and compliments the last time we went out)
Travel back in time to start the King Arthur legend and close the time loop once and for all (be back in time for dinner)
Don’t fall in love this time!
Google “Was Sir Lancelot Hot?”
Write apology email to boss about accidentally killing all the dinosaurs that one time
…Productivity feels fantastic on your gibblets and globulous extenders, no? I feel so much better now that I can see all of my tasks laid out in one easy-to-reference place.
Shout-out to Steve, who cornered me at the photocopier and humansplained productivity to me for my entire lunch break! I’m keeping track of your entire descendant line, Steve! Ha ha! I’m kidding. I don’t have the patience to wait.
Expect some confusing dreams of bright lights and flying saucers in your future, Steve. (Not that anyone will believe you.)
It feels so good to be productive!